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Hochiminh’s Rant Day 19

Hochiminh’s Rant Day 19

by T.J. GoforthMay 23, 2006

Once a week, I will attempt to do a lineage of a current Wii or DS character, similar to the one-page article you see in the Nintendo Power Book. Unfortunately, I don’t have Sketchpad, so I can’t edit these pictures, so I will outline everything below the picture.

Project Hammer’s Cyborg Prototype Lineage
project hammer

BIG, BAD, AND BALD: These are walking-tall behemoths that may not be attractive, but frighteningly evil. Yeah, Mr. Potato Head may not be big and bad, but what if you saw him in REAL LIFE. He even gives me nightmares! These three candidates beat out Jabba the Hut and Morpheus as honorable mentions!

King Hippo.jpg
King Hippo
Mr. Potato Head2.jpg
Mr. Potato Head
Marshmallow Man.jpg
Marshmallow Man

ONE-EYED CREATURES: One-eyed monstrosities either portray a pirate or a completely different monoker. Hammer stemmed from these three, the latter known specifically in “The Goonies”.

Mikie from Monsters Inc.
One-eyed Willie.jpg
One-Eyed Willie

Armor-Bearers: This goes back to the medieval times, when jousting and having a merry ole time was the way to go. And nothing more can protect you from the outer coating of an ARMOUR HOT DOG! “GET YOUR HOT DOGSSSSSSSS!”

Metal Plate.jpg
The Metal Plate
Armour Hot Dogs.jpg
Armour Hot Dogs
Robid Hood.jpg
Robin Hood Armor

Hammer Wielders: The legendary hammer has been wielded by some of the most famous icons, in or out of the video screen box. Look at Triple-H; I hope he doesn’t bash someone’s skull in. Then you got MC Hammer. And look where he ended up: BANKRUPT!

Hammer Bros.jpg
Hammer Bros.
Triple H.jpg
Triple H’s Sledgehammer
Peter Gabriel.jpg
Peter Gabriel’s “Sledgehammer” Video
Thor Hammer.jpg
Thor’s Hammer
MC Hammer.jpg
MC Hammer

ALL-IN-ALL COMPARISON: For a comparison of the Hammer borg’s looks and/or personality or weapon, I think he looks mostly like these characters:

Kano: Whether brothers in a past life or common dead-eye set interests, Kano and Hammer are alike, except ones got a hammer and the other: a knife.
Cortez: He may have two eyes, but Cortez, the protagonist from Timesplitters, with phrases like “TIME TO SPLIT!”, shows us that he can kick monster butt with firepower while Hammer mauls cars and other inanimate objects (hopefully!)
The Terminator: And finally, we’ve got the half cyborg freak, the Terminator, with his glowing red eye similarity. I don’t think you’ll see him behind a grocery store counter, but you can bet your bottom dollar you’ll see him hurl baddies across the room or shoot them down with a semi-auto shotgun. Mauling=very Hammer-like!That concludes this section of Lineage. Hope to start another one soon!

About The Author
T.J. Goforth
I'm 25 and own my own home. I have one step child and a wife. I work as a Team leader at a restuarant about 50 hrs. a week. Otherwise, I surf the web or play video games.

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